Mar 10, 2006
Chinese History in America
BY DERRICK SOBODASH
tudents have asked me throughout the semester how Chinese history is presented in America. While talking with my old friend Pas, I finally hit on an accurate summary of just how Chinese history is taught in the USA.
(Note: sarcasm ahead)
China was once a rich land that made lots of bronze art. They also invented Daoism, which we use today to figure out which Martha Stewart bedset will least interrupt the chi flow between your goldfish and your window. After that, all Chinese people united to make lots of clay men that they buried in a mountain. Then they started buying opium and became communists.
Now class, let’s return to the third treaty General Custer, the prince of peace, signed with the savages of the Northwest and how México donated 1/3 of its country to help realize the dream of manifest destiny.
He did have one question I couldn’t answer though: why do Japanese ninjas, despite being totally sweet, have Chinese throwing stars?
I’m not sure, but I think it has something to do with The Ooze.
“For when you die, Oroko Saki, it will be … without honor!”
How would you even write Oroko Saki anyway? 悪露子紗季? 愚子紗季? That’s not a name! Maybe they meant Uroko–鱗? Well, I guess you could consider Super Shredder’s armor a little like fish scales …
Edit: Eric suggested the fascinating combination 尾六先.
I’m so sad that I grew up in a country where Shawn Marion can say 魔鳥樟 means “The Matrix” and no one shits themselves laughing about the devil bird linament.
