ne of my coworkers pointed me to a book allegedly titled, 《犹太人赚钱的方法》. He said it was comical in how many endless bigoted stereotypes it provided. Given I love anything in bad tastes, I immediately went hunting for it.

In the end, I never found it. But I did find this similar article on the GuangDong Securities Web site, 《犹太人赚钱研究》, or, “Jew Techniques for Making Money.” It’s worth a note the two English phrases KingSoft’s PowerWord brings up for the word “Jew” are, “Worth a Jew’s eye” and “Rich as a Jew.”

I need to note, I do not endorse any of the information contained in this post. I am merely reporting facts which I find extremely amusing in the same way I find South Park amusing—the difference being this is real.

It’s also important to understand the nature of these comments. Since the 1980s, China has been operating under Deng Xiaoping’s mantra, “To get rich is glorious.” (致富光荣) Look at its recent economic record for all the evidence you need of how nearly a billion people have taken that to heart. Anyone with money is frequently idolized. I’ve talked to a lot of people who absolutely love Bill Gates, when when I pose the question of his company’s anti-competitive tactics and monopoly, they are puzzled, because it’s just not considered a bad thing.

That in mind, and taking the stereotypes of Jews and money into account, a lot of Chinese people really like Jewish people. They generally know nothing at all about Jewish culture—even less than an American growing up in Montana might—but the stereotype of Jews having lots of money casts them in a positive light.

Now with the background formalities out of the way, please enjoy a few excerpts from the article:

When you decide you must make money, you have to surround yourself with it completely. Make it the most important thing in your life. Cherish it. If you make it your world, it will come flocking to your pocket.

Regarding Jews, in this life and in this world, making money is the absolutely most important thing for them. Afterwords comes religion.

Jews in the military:

For them, there’s a saying, “If an honorable man loves money, he will surely get it.” These “honorable men” have good vision. They react nimbly to opportunities. They make good decisions. They just want to make money and won’t let even one opportunity slide. Even for Jews who are in the military, they are unable to ever let go of this instinct to gain money. They constantly think of thousands, ten thousands and hundreds and constantly scan for a chance. They would even make sure their unit finishes the battle at a place that will give them a chance to make money.

All the money that doesn’t adorn the pockets of the Jews: it adorns the hats of Miao women—the ones who look like animated candelabra:

We often hear people say things like, “All the worlds money adorns the pockets of the Jews.” Jews have always made an extremely small percentage of the world’s population, but their multitudes of riches surpass all others’. Even though the world’s richest nation is the USA, and Asia’s richest is Japan, in the world of banking and business, Jews are always at the top.

Millions, neigh, trillions of moneybags never enter any others’ hands. So how is it such a handful of people can possess so much of the world’s wealth? Just having a good head isn’t enough. The key point is that Jews naturally grasp the 78:22 Rule of Business.

I’ll stop here before someone misunderstanding this post tries to send the ACLU or some other organization burrowing up my asshole. The point is, I just found this incredibly amusing that such gross stereotypes are pushed and sold here on shelves as a valid “technique” to study for making money.

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